A wild beast may wound your body...

Mean girls are abundant in the world of escorts. Frenimies abound. Its hard to find real friends who are hookers, sometimes when you think you have a real friend you don't. In retrospect you realize that's the relationship was draining and unsatisfying for a number of reasons, the least of which you were just desperate for understanding from someone who shares your unique experiences and ultimately got sucked in by some emotional vampire, with issue after issue. In the end you realize you spent the bulk of your "friendship" dealing with, listening to and fixing someone else's problems. I have seen this over and over with other women and i have lived it myself.

Lets face it lots of fucked up women are escorts, this business attracts crazy women. The lifestyle is fast paced and can be excessive, its a very hard business to say grounded in. No real hours, you don't live on a schedule, have no regular income, its feast or famine. Many girls don't have a real home and live out of suitcases, never having a place to call their own, a place to be responsible for. The transient effect makes vulnerable to crazy people down right looped .

I am like a magnet to those types of female friendships. I have to really work hard not to get sucked into situations like that. I fail often. In the real word when a friendship fails its easier to walk away, that's not to say its not painful but walking away is what most people do. You go your way, i go mine. When friendship with a crazy escort fails, you better watch your back. Because someone that has lost touch with the real world such a way as to not even be capable of maintaining the responsibility of a modest place to live, surly isn't capable of walking away from a broken friendship and moving on. No matter how much you hope they will.

They come back over and over like a bad penny... there are long standing feuds. bad feelings that last years, I've seen it destroy people. Eat at them up, hurt them.. good people too.

You might ask why i wrote this, yes i have my own personal saga with a crazy escort friendship that failed and try as i might to find a middle ground a way to coexist without there being constant conflict i find myself at a loss. I'm out of ideas. the animosity on her side is rampant and vile and mean. Ive said nothing about my struggle with this for 7 long months except to seek advise from the 2 people who i trust most. Both have tried to give me sound advice about letting it go moving on. Though how i accomplish that when I'm constantly having to ward off bad juju is beyond me right now.

I found myself tonight thinking back to my teen-aged Buddhist household and trying to employ the techniques i learned then.. like chanting for her happiness. I know it sounds silly but if someone is happy then they are not exactly likely to put in the energy to try to fuck with your life. So i did, i don't know if it did anything except to make me feel a little more in control of the situation. Then i sat down to write this with a clear head .

I guess i just need to be the ball more often.