Sinff me out like I was Tanqueray

Amy Winehouse rocks my socks. Her, voice, her style, her balls to the walls attitude, her messy fucked up-ness. You don't get a voice filled with soul like that with out having lived a life...without living a life.

She's got personal problems.. yeah so what, who the fuck doesn't. I don't want squeaky clean, pristine, white washed, bullshit in my ear when I'm alone in the dark, contomplating my life. I don't want homogenised pop music i cant relate to blaring out my car stereo as i blaze down the 101 way over the speed limit on the way to screw a stranger 12 ways to Sunday. I want it gritty and i want it real and i wanna feel it.

I cheated myself
Like I knew I would
I told ya, I was trouble
You know that I'm no good



She's got depth.... and shes got pipes... and she's got my attention.

Fairy tales can come true, it can happen to you...

Diablo Cody won the Oscar for best screenplay last night (in her own shoes no less) . Phew! I had my fingers crossed for her for about a week. It's amazing, shes an ex stripper, turned blogger... turned Oscar winner. Its great to see her succeed. It proves that it not only can, but it does happen.

The Pussy Ranch
Cody-Space

Diablo Cody is a real inspiration... she proves when you put pen to paper and you have an original thought and a unique voice to express it with that ANYTHING can happen.

Im Fucking Ben Affleck

Once more reason to love Jimmy!

Delete, Delete, Delete!

Strange hobby observations #1

all kinds of people are attracted to the hobby. But the strangest phenomenon to me is people who DONT hobby but participate on message boards and are often angry little men who fling around the word cunt, bitch whore. Now while some of these guys are usually kids in there moms basement many and one type ive encountered on a local board is the kind with issues with women. I don't just mean trouble dealing with women i mean deep rooted issues with women. things that can relate back to their relationship with mommie.

let me tell you about NonHobbyist A, Lets call him Erik45. Erik45's mother died a few years back and left him what he says is a good inheritance. He never really loved his mother she was a dominating bitch. She never let him be a man, always made his decisions for him. As a result hes an emotional child. Very shortly after his mothers passing Erik45 find a hobbyist message board and begins to brag to all the "whores" how much money he has and how now that his mother is dead he can spend all his money sleeping with hookers. Only the providers remind him of his dead mother so much (they dont love him either they just want his money) that he doesn't actually make appointments to see the girls in real life. He does spend his days harassing them on a message board. Day in and day out he sits int he dark of the home he used to share with his mother but he is now alone and posts vile things telling these whores whats wrong with them.

You see it on every message board to varying degrees. I really feel sorry for these guys because i think deep down they are just looking to be loved but are incapable of giving love and therefore not capable of receiving it. Looking for "love" by women who sell sex for a living just isnt going to happen. So instead they last out of all of women kind and as women in the sex business know Prostitutes are always an easy target.

people target them... and this latest incarnation is just one of my strange hobby observations. Of course Erik45 isnt real he's a mish mass of different board personalities but the gist is all the same. they are scary men who dont like women and you always have to look out for them, you never know when one will pop up and you are their latest target.

this can be a dangerous business you always have to be aware of your surroundings even when those surroundings are on the Internet.

Do The Math!

I have been outed. As you may have guessed Jenny DeMilo is not my real name. My personal information and un-blurry pictures were circulating among the Hobby crowd in LA. Links to an old social networking site of mine (pre escort days) was posted on a local review board. My identity on display for the world. Lucky me right.

This is my secret life, having my dazzling smile and my real contact information available to the masses does not make me a happy camper. As you may know I'm a little outspoken so I'd really like to keep my real life, the real me, separate from Miss Jenny DeMilo.

so i begin to try to make sense of this situation. First the local board was kind enough to remove the information. Okay step one done. Now how do i trace back to who would do such a dastardly thing and "out" me.

Step two: who had the information to pass out?

3 people had my information. 2 friends and one escort/porn actor who needed a release for photos i had shot of her. (damn legal documents they always want your real name)

My friends are my friends but doing my due diligence i asked them anyways. I felt like an ass having to ask people i knew cared about me such a thing but i did anyways. They said no. One was pretty hurt i would think they would do such a thing to me. i felt like a schmuck. Process of elimination leads me to the 3rd person who had my info. The escort porn actor who needed the legal release.

She's been kinda a pain in my ass for a while, getting upset when i photograph or associate with models she doesn't like or feels threatened by (and her list was growing seems she has issues with most people who own vaginas). I had spent the better part of last year distancing myself from her because i didn't care for her bad attitude and her message board antics where she would attack other women at the drop of a hat. She always had something nasty to say about another girl. Usually a skinny, pretty girl but she didn't limit her female hating to just the girls better looking then her, she was becoming a very equal opportunity hater. I didn't need to be associated with that kind of bad energy. So i backed off having any kind of dealings with her.

Again doing my due diligence i tried to email her asking her if she had outed me, my email was returned, i was blocked from sending her email. I tried to IM her i was blocked from her messenger. ummm curious.

so i went to some of the people who had been passed my information and appealed to their better sense of self to tell me who had betrayed me and been giving out my personal info. I was persistent in asking them to do the right thing. It took some time but low and behold they cracked and gave it up! It was as i had suspected the escort/porn actor who had my info on the legal release had been the culprit. It was pretty logical to come to that conclusion but now in addition to logic someone had given her up. It's not brain surgery, its pretty simple.. do the math. 3 people have the info. 2 are my friends, 1 is some crazy psycho who has a bone to pick with me and has blocked me from asking her anything about it. ummmmmmmm....

Step three: do the math
1+1=2

so now what.... whats the epilogue to the story? There's nothing that can be done about it. My info is out there. I was told by some people in the escort life much longer then i, that if i have gone this long without being outed than I've done better then most. So there's that. There's also the fact that i was raised a Buddhist and that because of that i do have a very strong belief in karma and what goes around will definitely come around. That people who are such incredible and flagrant assholes will have all the bad energy come back to them. I can only imagine who else this psycho has tried to hurt. If she would go to such lengths to try to hurt me because of something so trivial as me not refusing shoots for people she didn't like, then i can only imagine what she would do to someone who really get under her skin. She must have many perceived enemies and spend so much of her time wallowing in her negative energy. It's really kind of pathetic.

I guess the world has a lot of fucked up people in it.

From Puget Sound To San Diego...

Today i journey on down to San Diego to work. I've never tried to work there but thought id give it a go. Its only a couple hours south of me so if it works out it could be a good semi local addition to my touring.

I used to go to SD all the time, I would party in Hillcrest with my fabulous friends (crackie and uncle err) and whatever drasterly but beautiful crew they had around them. usually in some kind of mind altered state. I never laughed so much in my life then hanging around with those boys. But those days are gone... my soul sister Crackie is dead of the dreaded HIV. I miss him so much some days it actually hurts and Uncle Err has never been the same since his spiral into addiction and was busted for trafficking and possession and his many atempts at rehabilitation. we lost touch and honestly i couldn't save him and trust me i tried. dont do drugs kids, it ruins lives.

I wont be hanging out with Trannys in night clubs this trip or dancing until 9am until my legs are Jello. This trip is about work and work i will do. though the thoughts of bygone times with the funniest men i have ever known, im sue will dance in my head though my 2 days in lovely San Diego.

Hearts and flowers, flowers and hearts

In honer of hearts and flowers day tomorrow i thought i'd do few dedications to the people i love.

To my chicken noodle:



For the man in my life


yeah he gets two



To Miss Gee (my BFF)


You all truly make my life better, i love and adore you all.

Im Fucking Matt Damon

Just one of the many reasons i dig Sarah Silverman

Good day sunshine

Love is easy, relationships are hard. However the right relationship is worth all the hard work, all the late night tears and all of the mutual compromise. It's not easy being an escort and in a serious relationship, yet i am one.

When someone surprises you and shows up unannounced at your door with treats they know will make you happy, when someone you lust after reduces you to a sexual ball of impassioned goo and proceeds to go to town on you in just they way that they know makes you quiver all over, when someone you love makes the effort to show you that they really do care about what's important to you... then you know it's a good day.

today... was a very good day

And Then I don't Feel So Sad

I change my mind all the time but today these are a few of my favorite things. None of them are Brown paper packages tide up with string. think of it as a little "get to know Jenny"

20 of my favorite things:

Favorite Flower: Gerber Daisy
Favorite Color: Red
Favorite Shaped Diamond: Baguettes
Favorite Champagne: Veuve Clicquot La Grande Damme
Favorite Sushi: Tuna
Favorite Beatles Song: Every body's got something to hide except me and my monkey
Favorite Fictional Serial Killer: Jame Gum
Favorite Perfume: Coco Chanel
Favorite Elvis Movie: Viva Las Vegas
Favorite Indian food: Chicken Tika Masala
Favorite Soda: Diet Coke
Favorite Movie: Sunset Boulevard
Favorite Shoe Designer: Christian Louboutin
Favorite Vegetable: Broccoli
Favorite Photographer: Nan Goldin
Favorite Coffee: Cafe Mocha
Favorite Furry Friend: Maverick The Wonder Dog
Favorite Writer: Hunter Thompson
Favorite Sex Toy: Glass Dildo

Beep beep umm yeah

The drive home was brutal. What was i thinking not getting a full nights sleep then driving home from Vegas. ugh!

Vegas in 24 hours or less

I'm heading off to Vegas again for 24 hours, maybe less. I hit the road tomorrow with little blondie in tow ( my make up girl for shoots, shes got family there) and come back a day later. I get to see a great guy, who's company i do really enjoy and i am in fact making this trip to sin city just for him.

Maybe i will try to see a glitzy Vegas show while i am there. with all my traveling back and forth i've never been to one. i'd like to see something straight out of the movie Showgirls, something tacky with many sparkles and tons of Vegas glam. if not then i will try again in March. At the very least i will hit a couple slots (video poker is now on my list) have a good meal, enjoy some good company and get naked and roll around ....

I love vegas!

Ouch my head

2 days and no caffeine is giving me a splitting headache. How can i be a naughty sex kitten when all i can think about it is how my head feels like a team of construction workers are jackhammering away at the inside of my skull.

i cant take it anymore, tomorrow.... Starbucks!

Hate, its the new black.

Abusive on a message board does that equal abusive in person? I think it does. I'm not talking about a one time outburst, I'm talking about a pattern of abusive behavior. When someones underlying theme is hurtful on purpose to others. I wonder if these men even realise that they are getting screened out by girls for their online "persona", if the reason they are getting so many "sorry I'm unavailable" is because it all relates back to they are a total and complete misogynistic hate filled dick when they post on a message board.

Many escorts watch the boards and look for a pattern. Is he nice to others, does he have an underlying anger problem. Is he always calling girls who are not his taste names. Is he a boundary crosser and often advocate an angry approach, does he throw a temper tantrum if someone disagrees with him. Someone like that will get abusive in person, they will try to cross your boundaries, they will throw a temper tantrum in person and you better hope that if they do you are savvy enough to placate them and guide the situation so you don't get hurt.

This can be a very dangerous business and there are very angry men who have very serious issues with women in general who gravitate to it. They cant relate to women in an intimate fashion int he real world and they want to be in control so they BUY it and then they feel since they've bought it, they can treat it anyways they want. Yup i said "IT" that's because that's how they act. Not as if the escort is a living breathing person with family and friends and people who love her. But as a thing they can treat anyways they want. I see that behavior all over message boards. I see people saying very reveling things about how they feel about women. If you watch for the pattern it will always emerge.

You have to be alert and aware at all times. The risk is never worth it. If i see someone who is mean and hurtful to others on a message board, i will always be "unavailable" to them, even if they are sacranie sweet to me. How they treat everyone matters not just how they treat me. The risk that they could snap and treat me how I've seen them threat others is always there and its never worth the risk for a few bucks.... never.

Luckily there are also great guys who really do love women on these boards and are not seeing escorts as a way to resolve their personal demons with women. Those guys I'm always happy to see and usually have a great time with. I wish i saw more of that positive presence on the boards and less of the angry, i hate the world and especially women guy, who cant help but reveal himself and spew his hatred out of his angry little fingers.

Hate its the new black.