I once had a friend

I once had a friend, who's a "hobbyist" we hung out, i liked him, he portrayed himself to be although at times a little immature for his advanced, age a nice guy who's intentions and heart was in the right place. I couldn't have been more wrong. It often takes a crisis to really see what someone is made of. You learn more about people about how they act when they are confronted with an emergency then you do sitting at dinner after dinner with them. Call it the stress reflex if you like.

This friend had a personal crisis and i saw a side of him i never thought i would. Mean, unethical, lying, lashing out. It made me sad, but it also made it impossible for me to continue to be active friends with him. I cant be around that kind of toxic poison. I was also a little upset with myself for being taken in but his outward facade.

In this business we often want to connect with people who understand and except what we do for a living. Its hard lying to the people around you all the time so we seek out like minded people, this is more often then not a HUGE mistake. It has been with me on several occasions. I am not immune to wanting to connect with people who share my experiences and my free spirited attitude.

In this case this "friend"has passively aggressively made attempts to make me feel bad, hurt my feelings, bait me into arguing with him on various message boards and even backhandedly threaten my business model - wtf.

I will continue to ignore him as best i can. its not always easy but i will try. Maybe he will buy himself a young pretty girlfriend soon and he wont have time to bother me anymore.

or get run over by a bus... oh a girl can dream.

Crotchless panties and grandmas pearls

6 years to the day today you left the earth and its also the day you were born, my little firecracker. You are always with me on firecracker day. My thoughts are always of you and how you always made me laugh until my face utterly hurt, the crazy adventures we went on in the middle of the the night causing trouble in a small coastal town in California. Wearing monkey pajamas on the street and acting like everyone else was dressed like a freak, getting me searched and almost detained trying to get back into the U.S. because you couldn't stop singing at the boarder crossing! Offering to knock me up after i went crazy after the pinto bean died inside me, just to make me happy and smile again. How miraculously you produced soup, the only thing i wanted and couldn't shut up about, none of which we had in the house. Dancing to some loud rhythmic house music, two bowls of beef with barley balanced on both hands as you twirled into the living room at 7am in the goddamned morning.

You were not longed for this world, you were too good for it. You lived everyday the best most creative way you could even after you got sick and you always meant and still do mean so much to me. From that first day we met when you pretended to be the host of the party i ended up at and dragged me into the bedroom to take Polaroids, write captions and mock "the patio people". To the last time we spoke when you knew the end was near and you told me you loved me and had a moment of clarity to say good bye.. kindred spirits, two of a kind, peas in a pod? naw.. more like two balls in a bag. You loved me for me and you never faltered from that. You did your best to protect me from the illness that ravaged your body and brain, though i wish you would have let me in a little more to take care of you but i understand why you didn't.

So my dear Firecracker today is your day, the day the world produced you and the day it took you back and i will don my grandmas pearls, my best crotchless panties, drink to much and think of you as i swim in a pool of hookers and porn stars. I know you'd love that and if you were here you'd be right there with me egging me on to do something that would take us one step from the nut house or jail.

I miss you my long lost friend and where ever you are I'm sure you are twirling, laughing and being the center of attention as well you should be.

Four be the things I am wiser to know: Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe

I learned a little bit about friendships this week...

"A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world". ~Lois Wyse

Thanks for the cupcakes :)