Vocalizing

He was visibly nervous and shaking like a leaf. I found it kinda amusing... at first. I tried to calm hi down a bit by speaking slowly, touching his arm when i spoke and remaing cool, calm and collected myself. as we got the small talk portion of the evening out of the way, I looked around the room spotted my envelope (i always like to know where it is) and noticed that there were no pictures on the walls and that all his belongings (books and video tapes) were ushered into piles in the 4 corners of the room. I asked him if he had lived there long as the place didn't look very lived in. he'd been there over 2 years.

I took him by the hand and asked him to take me to bed. His hands were sweaty and the shaking was still there. Again i did my best to calm him down but at this point i knew it was futile. he was oddly aggressive but scared to death. I tried to take the lead to set the pace but i finally gave up and let myself be the zombie rag doll he was looking for. He was obviously not well practised in the art of the female body but wanted to make sure he got all the high points in. i obliged as best i could.

when it came time to wrap it up and go for the gold he amateurishly pulled me to the edge of the bed so he could penetrate me while standing up.. umm okay I've always been a fan of that and when he slid inside me i decided to be quite vocal, and put on the big show, i know that's what he wanted and honestly try as i could i just couldn't get into the sex this time. it took him about 3 strokes to cum. he later told me it was because i was so vocal. Note to self nervous guys cum fast when you moan like a porn star. I can only imagine how fast it would have been if i had started to get into some dirty talk. Maybe my filthy mouth could i have gotten him to cum before he actually attempted to fuck me ....

i grabbed my envelope and headed for the door with a kiss on the cheek for him and 400 dollars for me.. he will call again. the nervous ones always do.

Focus

I woke up with a headache and frustrated. Why i don't know. Dreams of a broken camera danced in my head all night causing me to toss and turn and wake up and will my tired body back to sleep. I have a focus problem. Not just with my photography but with my life. Isn't that always the way. I went over my last set of film and i noticed i was unfocused more then my fair share. Are my sensors dirty or are my eyes? I have to correct this before my next scheduled shoot. Though i have a sneaking suspicion that the correction will be contact lenses or Lasik or some thing else just as paralyzing to me.

My camera focus issue is a metaphor for a life focus issue.. I'm becoming disenchanted with many aspects of my day to day life. Id love to blame this on the death of a life long friend that happened a couple of weeks ago and my refusal to deal with his demise. Or on raging hormones or how all of a sudden i emerged myself into a square job and its taking all my energy, thought and time.... but i can't. its not them, its me.

I have a "to do" list longer then my arm to keep track of the details. I never used to have to do that. I used to remember hundreds of projects and all their minor and major details off the top of my head. Am i out of practice or have i just somehow lost the ability to keep track of things?

“You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus” ~~~~ Mark Twain

Maybe my imagination is out of focus, maybe that's my real focus problem. I'm trying to be imaginative, creative and positive..... but whats happening is depression and frustration. I'm not dreaming it, nor am i being it. I'm just letting "it" happen to me... once again.

like a big pizza pie

Super extra busy over the last week or so and I've been blog neglectful. bad Jenny.. bad, bad Jenny. I swear i will write some dirty or naughty or at least more interesting stuff soon, besides "ohhh I'm sooooo busy, blah blah blah" but its true i am and im just not used to having to have to schedule my life like this.

I'm shooting all day tomorrow for the agency. They swore to me it's going to be an easy day, ha! I already have them figured out.... that's how they suck you in. Oh well call me little miss sucked in...

And now a personal observation... The full moon makes people crazy.

Walk in with a smile, walk out with a job

I had a meeting today to show my book to the CEO of a major modeling agency headquartered here in L.A. and hot damn if i didn't i book my first shoot with them on the spot! I have a solid body of work now and i found that selling your abilities in a face to face meeting with a power broker is a skill you never lose. I used to walk into the wolves to pitch and sell a concept daily when i was an AD and today i pitched and sold just like old times. A solid book and a little charm and fearless confidence still goes a long way in this town.

I'll be doing tests for their new faces division. It looks like an interesting team I'll be working with and I'm excited about it. I clicked real well with my contact and we seem to be on the same page creatively and that's always a huge plus. This is a great step forward for me in advancing my photo career. Now don't get me wrong i love shooting naked girls, but i also like to be challenged and try new things and it will be great fun to do some fitness and fashion models as well as some stuff with a much more commercial appeal.

I walked in with a smile and i walked out with a job.

Gettin' it all done in time

A girlfriend and i were talking about appointment lengths, she was considering extending her 1 hour to a 90 min minimum she was having issues with getting in everything within the allotted hour. It reminded me about another working girl friend of mine who says she knows exactly how much time has lapsed in an appointment to within a couple minutes. She's not looking at a clock or a watch or anything, she's just really good at perceiving time.

Time is always an issue, no one wants a "clock-watcher" but this is a timed event so there is a balance to achieve and a skill to getting everything in within the hour. I think I learned how to manage my time well when i was working in advertising. You had so much to do and so little time to get it done but you also didn't want to look like you were panicked and flustered. That would only come back to bite you in the ass a million different ways in that nasty world.

With a client you need to be able to converse, charm, flirt, make out, get oral, get down, relax, chat and give it a second go, all within one short hour. That's a lot to do in 60 mins but its not brain surgery, its sex and human interaction. Some clients make it easy for ya, they are charming, flirtatious and ready to go go go. Others are nervous and awkward and you need to gently coax it out of them. The real job here is to get clued into what the clients expectations are early on so that you have enough time left to meet them, or in my case attempt to exceed them. yeah yeah, I can't help it I'm an overachiever. If you are observant and looking you will find those cues and clues hunt them down like youre Nancy Drew and once you figure them out you're good to go. then getting all the highlights in in time is easy.

Once in a while i might go over time because i lose track of it. Yes, i can can fall victim to a charming man once in a while or i get so entranced by an interesting conversation or person that i realize the times almost up and i haven't even gotten naked yet. A certain fascinating malpractice attorney comes to mind, i will of course stay over to make sure i leave my companion a happy, happy man. For the most part an hour is plenty of time to get it all the required high notes in, the more you do this the keener your sense of time gets. I went over a lot more then i was just starting out and still in the middle of the very big learning curve then i do now. With any job the more you do it the more efficient you are at it. I personally prefer a 2 hour or longer tryst with my gentlemen callers because then the pressure if off entirely to cram everything in a hour time frame, its easier to just go with the flow...

...cuz if you cant seduce a ready and willing man in 2 hours, well you got bigger issues then managing your time!

Flip!

I bought a Flip©. So far i've filmed and edited one mini move. Don't get too excited its just of my my dog barking and running around my house (yeah i know how to give the masses what they want). I wanted to practice with my editing software and see what the quality of this little plug an play camcorder was all about and made a 30 second clip with cross fades, two titles and a swiped soundtrack. It;s not bad and its certainly fun and easy, i give it a thumps up and i plan on documenting some of my photo shoots coming up and seeing what else i can do with my new toy.

I'll take the Flip© to Pride next weekend, film the drag queens and the estimated 8,000 people celebrating gay pride and the fact that they can now get legally married. Usually pride has about 4,000 people this year its going to be off the hook.

so if you see me... don't forget to smile!

The Twitter Situation

Twitter refuses to uphold their TOS, denies responsibility or accountability to its users and the backlash is brutal. That's the story in one line but let me delve a little deeper.

Popular blogger and twitter user Ariel Waldman has been harassed. Several online communities/tools/utilities or whatever they would like to call themselves this week are being used to further that harassment. Ariel contacts the powers that be at Twitter and attempts to get them to intervene and uphold their TOS which clearly states.

" You must not abuse, harass, threaten, impersonate or intimidate other Twitter users"

Twitter then cops the fuck out, in a huge way. Ariel blogs about her experience and there is much support. Twitter employees attempt to do some major damage control as this story spreads like wild fire across the blogosphere. They succeed in only making them look more irresponsible. They back peddle and go through a series of excuses. First it appears they say they are afraid to ban the abuser because of lawsuit retribution, then they say they will rewrite their TOS to remove that section because they are not a "community" website but a "utility" website, they then settle on the theory that Ariel wasn't abused enough to take action and uphold their TOS.

You can read all about this here and here and here and here, its everywhere.

http://arielwaldman.com/2008/05/22/twitter-refuses-to-uphold-terms-of-service/
http://getsatisfaction.com/twitter/topics/twitter_refuses_to_uphold_terms_of_service
http://news.cnet.com/8301-13577_3-9951197-36.html
http://www.zeldman.com/2008/05/22/a-tweet-too-far/
http://blog.wired.com/business/2008/05/tweeter-takes-o.html
http://www.briansolis.com/2008/05/twitter-vs-ariel-waldman-when-tos.html
http://blog.twitter.com/2008/05/our-terms.html

Why am i writing about this social network site I'm not a part of nor have any desire to use? because it draws an interesting parallel to a small local provider/hobbyist community site based in OC and LA. They too refused to uphold their TOS when i was harassed by a member(s). I will not be naming them because i refuse to give them any publicity but those in the know .... KNOW who they are.

My harassment was 10 fold to what Ariel describes, i was called a "cunt" on so many occasions i cant keep count, i was accused of all manor of felonies and was chased around their "message board" in an attempt to ruin my reputation and in the escort biz your rep is pretty important. When i reached out to the administration i was denied help. I was told that banning abusive members was "too time consuming" or "futile" because the offending member would just "make a new account" that i should acquire a thicker skin, ignore the constant attacks or to leave the board. They passed the buck and told me to contact my local PD but took no action themselves. After the harassment reached the point where my real name was posted in their site, my personal information investigated and passed around though their system and links to my real life posted, I asked a high level administrator face to face what had to happen before they would take action and i got brushed off and shrugged off with the same "its futile" answer. I also came to know that while much of this harassment was going on one of the administrators of the site was involved. When i would write the anonymous "admin" account asking for intervention that often the one doing the harassing was the administrator i was contacting. That administrator was eventually removed because of an incident with another user who happened to be male and a lawyer. I suppose he was taken more seriously then me.

Eventually i opted to not participate on that site any longer because i felt my personal safety was compromised some really crazy things were going on, things i contacted my local PD about. Threats of kidnapping were the scariest. Outing of my personal information and the harassment i suffered on a daily basis really made it not worth it. I thought id take the out of sight out of mind approach. It continued without my presence on the board and does to this day. To date and to my knowledge no one has been censured, chastised reprimanded or admonished in any way for this behavior.

Recently the same site made a move at reinvention they now officially call themselves a "social networking site" my belief is they are trying to shield themselves from liability from running a prostitution message board. They now have a way to collect money to run the site and have a "community moderation" feature where you can delete members or silence them if enough of the community agree on the action. However that "feature" doesn't not abate them from responsibility or accountability to their users as they would like members to believe. This particular site has degenerated into a huge cluterfuck of nastiness. All it is, is people being abusive to each other, its painful to read.

There are situations where the administration will intervene and delete messages, silence members or delete accounts. There are 3 unspoken rules, they are listed no where on their site you're expected to "just know them" if you discuss law enforcement, drug usage, or that you have met other members of the site at a social function your posts mysteriously disappear. However on that site you are free to board stalk, demean, insult and harass other members with no recourse.

Its much more extreme then the Twitter situation but it boils down to the same core issue... Social Networking sites and their responsibility to their users. Some seem to want to not be responsible at all, they make excuses and don't step up to the plate. Harassment on the Internet is a serious issue and it seems to touch a lot of peoples lives. If you create a service/site/communications tool I submit you DO have a responsibility to your users. If you chose to turn a blind eye because it's too hard of an issue to deal with then you end up with what happened to this local prostitution site i was a member of..... it degenerates into crap, loses its usefulness and people no longer want to be associated with it.

So i again ask the question...what has to happen before this kind of online harassment is taken seriously? Does someone have to die for some of these new social networking sites to address this issue and to be responsible to their membership? They rely on the "its futile" "its only the Internet" "were the messenger" arguments to shield themselves from responsibility but will that really shield them when some thing tragic happens?

I hardly think so and i for one sure hope it never gets to that point but i like others see the writing on the wall.

Oh Hell No!

If you live in a 5 million dollar house in the hills high above LA. If you spend half of the time you book with me bragging about your wealth and all that you have. If you expect me to be impressed with your material achievements and to visibly show you how impressed i am with many ohhs and ahhhs and oh wows and then expertly drop to my knees and suck your cock like a champ because you're such the big man on campus...

THEN FUCKING TIP ME.

I'd be much more impressed with a couple extra bucks quietly slipped in my pocket then the boat you want to blah blah blah and endless drone on about ..... while i giggle and flip my hair like the Barbie doll you mistakenly thought i was.

Im sorry but pretending like i'm impressed with your stupid stuff .... is EXTRA.

Know your rights...

Today marks the 60th anniversary of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights adopted by the United Nations. Bloggers all over the world are writing about human rights today to bring attention to the fact that all people are born with basic rights and freedoms that include life, liberty, and justice.

On that theme, I find it significant that today the California Supreme Court struck down the state's ban on same-sex marriage as unconstitutional. 4 long years in the making and its about damn time already.

"In contrast to earlier times, our state now recognizes that an individual's capacity to establish a loving and long-term committed relationship with another person and responsibly to care for and raise children does not depend upon the individual's sexual orientation,"

"We therefore conclude that in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples."

MA is the only other state that allows same sex marriages though New Hampshire, Vermont, New Jersey and Connecticut permit civil unions. This decision is a victory for gay (and human) rights. The Gove-o-nator says he will not pursue this further. So California has set the tone, i wonder if the rest of the nation will follow suit. I for one hope they do, the Government shouldn't dictate to us who we can build a family with.

As for what our Presidential hopefuls think about the issue...

MaCain thinks this is a states rights issue and that all states should decide for themselves. Both Clinton and Obama oppose same sex marriages but support civil unions. All three oppose a constitutional amendment that bans same sex marriage. Whatever... they are all playing the semantics game and refusing to take a stand.

For shame on them all....

Know your rights!



...and now in California you have the right to marry the partner of your choice even if they are of the same sex!

Carne Asada is not a crime!

I was raised in east LA and even now live in a predominately "brown" neighborhood. Though i am Italian by heritage, i am Latina in my soul. One of the things i love is a late night run to a local taco truck. Often when I'm returning from an outcall after hours and hungry, i will stop at a local truck for a tasty meal for just a few bucks.

It seems now the local taco trucks in east LA are under attack. On the 15th of May a new ordinance will essentially make harder if not impossible to do business for these truck owners but that's not all. It will also Criminalize selling a taco! I'm an entrepreneur and i definitely support the little guy making a buck in an unconventional manner. I'm also a taco eater and i support an LA residents right to eat taco from a taco truck! The food is tastier, cheaper and often available when nothing else is.

This ordinance has come about because "brick and mortar" restaurants are complaining about unfair competition. It's been called a turf war, the Jets and the Sharks only with carne asada and tortillas. The big loser in all this is the consumer i.e. You and ME! again because of unneeded and biased county regulation we are having our choices taken away from us. I don't want to be forced to go to a sit down restaurant and pay a higher price for a less authentic product, especially in this shaky economy. We are all tightening the belt and the taco truck is a useful option in that endeavour.

Tonight 8pm to 12am is...
Taco Libre! Show your support (Tacos El Galuzo, at 5555 Whittier Blvd in East Los Angeles) Enjoy your last LEGAL taco in East LA. Don't forget to use your voice and sign the petition Save Our Taco Trucks

First they outlaw the Bacon Dog now they want to take away our taco trucks.

Carne Asada is not a crime!